Yeah. This isn’t just a Ginuwine song anymore.
I have suffered from anxiety in one form or another for most of my life. From the days when it was difficult to differentiate between my authentic asthma attacks and my authentic anxiety attacks, to my later OCD manifestations and my current inability to JUST.DO.SOMETHING.IN. A. CHILL-LIKE FASHION.
It’s like I live my life in all caps. Even my ‘relaxation’ can be aggressive. Like OH YOU WANT ME TO REST THIS WEEKEND? FINE! WAKE ME UP ON TUESDAY.
I know that people can also find me zen and restful-and that is an authentic facet of myself- but it’s really that I extend to people the kind of grace I wish I remembered to extend more consistently to myself.
Instead no, I sit in front of computers and smartphones and TVs feeding myself giant, steaming piles of terror everyday and wonder why my heart rate won’t settle, and why I have dreams in which I’m faced with Sophie’s Choice and Schindler’s List and Boys in Striped Pajamas and… and…. and… AND!!!!!!!!
So I’ve got to stop. Sorry, I have got to stop. Continue reading “superSCAREDYfragileANXIOUS, etc”