At Least I Have Each Other…

I am a study in contradtictions.

Looking at me in my wild and frequently uncombed curls, and with my penchant for flowing flowery dresses and flats, you’d be quite reasonable to assume that I am She of the Flower Power Fraternity. Sorority even. You’d expect me to play a lute (guitars are so ‘of the Man, you know?) and sing warbling ditties composed on the spot in honor of the sun, and of gardens everywhere and of the blessing of a woman’s womb. And you’d only be half of a raging idiot for assuming thus. Because I do love me some flowers, and I do sing. I enjoy spontaneous serenades of all sorts. Motherhood is my absolute favourite thing about myself and love is the best thing ever.

However.

Rest assured that I will also nail all flawed arguments to the wall, have zero tolerance for poor grammar, and do not get me started on the wars I have started because of the rampant inefficiency I face daily. I have lists for my lists of lists. I have never met a label I didn’t love- nay, NEED. I plan parties months in advance and I had my wedding organized and ready for execution in less than 2 weeks.

Yeah. I’m that girl AND I’m that other girl too.

And that’s okay. We don’t need to be just any one side of ourselves.

I have long subdued sides of my self to better fit the mold of Art Girl or of Business Girl. But all along, I was just me. Sometimes artsy and sometime hard-assed. It’s been the biggest relief ever to me to find that it’s ok to be all the me’s that live in this skin. God has a purpose for every last one of us (and I’m just talking about myselves here…but you too, no doubt) and it’s time I see what that plan looks like.

I promised myself 2012 would be about being my best self, and about shaking off all those voices that say “listen, anyone who just saw you beat down the donut lady over ill-proportioned sprinkle techniques will LAUGH to hear you say you’re a Christian.” And while yes, they may laugh (and tremble)….it’s not about them. It’s not even about me, whichever fantastic mess I am that day. It’s about showcasing how God can use me. Even me. All of me. All of me’s. Flowers, Flip Flops, Flow charts and all.

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