Dear Jude: On becoming 1

Dear Jude, as I assembled your 1st birthday gift I remembered assembling your toys, car seat, play pen and more. I relished every set of screws and random bits and put everything together with intensity and focus born of imagining your little body being held secure by the item. Has it really been a year? 

Tonight we changed out your car seat from the little carry-able one to the big boy forward facing convertible seat. Oh my grown up little man, how could one year have taken you out of my belly, my arms, that baby car seat and plopped you into the body of a running, climbing, laughing non-stop beam of energy and light? 

All year long I have written to you my darling, hoping somehow to infuse you with my love through letters you can’t even read yet. So far I haven’t managed to convince myself I could’ve possibly come close. But even as I continue to try this year, I want to do more. I want to begin speaking things into your life. Things revealed to me by God or just things a mother hopes for her child. I will sing the future to you and read to you. Psalms, self improvement, plans and hopes. 

You have changed my life, my love, in ways I could have never expected yet will never regret. How I love you-until my heart melts and my eyes fill. Until my ears no longer know how to un-hear u or my heart un-feel you. You are love, you are light, you are hope. You are every good thing God has promised me. 

May you become more and more yourself everyday, and may we your parents help shape that man to be as much the joy and pride of God’s heart as you are of ours. Walk into the plans God has for you as we continue to pray for guidance, coverage and a journey that may stall, trip, travel in circles but never ever stop until God’s goal has been attained. Never stop becoming yourself, my darling. Because who you are meant to be is a miracle beyond all cliches. You’ll see. In the meantime, you’re Mommy’s miracle, the kind Mommy didn’t even know how to hope for. 

I love you.

Happy birthday.


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