Dear Jude, you make me the kind of happy that makes everything sparkle…
Relaxin- it’s not just for the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, lemme tell you that right now. Relaxin is that hormone that tells your body to get ready for the baby. Your pelvis starts to loosen and widen, your hip muscles and all that begin to just get real loose-like. Aww, yay for the little baby. Awww too bad for you. Because you see…you kind of need those muscles to ohh…walk. Sit. Stand. Move in general, really. And now, they don’t listen to you anymore. They don’t care what you and your fat arse want to do, they just know they gotta stay soft n supple n limber for the baby. So yeah get ready for a world of pain. But don’t worry, it only occurs-as my doctor said to me- “when you’re sitting, standing, walking, or moving in general”. Excellent. Oh that pain in your lower back? Deep, abiding, throbbing? Yeah. That’s coming from all the compensation your spine has got to make for your hips, who are on their own lil babymoon.
And if we’re going to talk about hormones, should I even begin to delve into the abyss and mountaintop that are equal parts of pregnancy hormones? You watch an ad with a fluffy puppy, you smile moistly, you see a kid putting a peanut butter sandwich out for his mom, you well up, you see a diaper add, you weep in raptures of emotions you can’t explain. Then BOOM- you shout at the next human you make eye contact with, even if it’s that creepy guy on TV telling you it’s your money, and that you need it now. Everything inside your heart and mind are constantly fighting to get out through your eyeballs or vocabulary, and you can’t tell from one minute to the next what’s coming your way. It’s pretty taxing for the people around you, but it ain’t no cake walk for you neither. Let em know. NICELY. Like somewhere around the softly welling eyes phase, and right before Medusa manifests.
Dear Jude, sometimes I will share with you my wise things that will become your wise things only when you sit trying to figure out how to tell your own first child that there are lessons that burn, lessons that heal; lessons that must be discovered personally and still others best learned from secondhand safety; that life can be as hard as it can be forgiving. That love is a universal thing that you will have achieved true understanding of only when you realize that ‘my’ love, ‘your’ love or ‘his/her/their’ love is only a vague imitation of God, by whom all true cravings are inspired. That our paths are as long as our perseverance, our destiny as fixed as our determination; that there is prayer even in silences and that every prayer is heard.
You are the answer to every impossible promise God has made me.
Dear Jude, sometimes a thought isn’t enough and for this there are songs. Sometimes a wish isn’t enough and for this there are prayers. Sometimes a status isn’t enough. And for this, there is posting on my website 🙂
Dear Jude, 16 weeks ago today they placed you in my arms. But long before my arms held you, my body did. Long before my arms knew you, my heart did. Long before my arms wrapped themselves around you, my love did. Happy four monthday, my yummylovejoy. Only time could truly tell you how much your mother loves you….
This song makes me unspeakably happy. Dedicated to the two men in my life ❤
Dear Jude, in spending a hard week psyching myself up for Day 1 of work, I totally forgot to psych myself up for Day 2 and all the others behind. How is it possible that today feels worse than yesterday?
Dear Jude, on mommy’s first day away I came back exactly at lunch o’clock to feed you and to get some cuddles. Oh my YummyloveJoy, I’m missing you more than I could have ever anticipated! But Daddy’s left a beautiful bouquet on mommy’s desk at work. Take note, my darling: flowers are a wonderful way to say I Love You. So is saying I Love You… I just might make it thru this ‘back to work’ season after all .
Hot flashes are not just for the menopausal. It is also for the REALLY lucky preggos. I thought I was going crazy when I noticed myself getting unreasonably hot. Now you may say “But you live in Jamaica”. To which I might reply, “Yes, but when you’re in a room with the AC on high at 18degrees, rendering the room so frigid your husband is under 2 layers and whimpering while u find yourself mopping sweat…it ain’t no kind of normal”. So upon research I discover that pregnant women “may experience some form of hot flashes, experiencing bouts of increased warmth”. Huh. What that SHOULD have said was “A pregnant woman may experience the sensation of spontaneous combustion, feeling at once as if she’s being sautéed live in her skin, while simultaneously being drenched in copious amounts of sweat- as if Nature is not sure whether to cook or drown her” yeah. Hot flashes. It could be you.