superSCAREDYfragileANXIOUS, etc

Soooooooooo Anxiousssssss. Yeah. This isn’t just a Ginuwine song anymore. I have suffered from anxiety in one form or another for most of my life. From the days when it was difficult to differentiate between my authentic asthma attacks and my authentic anxiety attacks, to my later OCD manifestations and my current inability to JUST.DO.SOMETHING.IN….

Tell the devil you told your mama you’d be home by 8

Three years ago, my 2-almost-3 year old son saw a police car pull over a taxi in front of us. The police man shouted at each person as the taxi emptied. When the grandma in the backseat stumbled in her haste to “vacate the vehicle” the police man clutched her elbow to steady her and…

A Sendoff At Sea

On June 4, 2016 I stood on some rocks in St. Elizabeth. The wild sea was in the background, goaded by the jagged, hidden rocks beneath into throwing up its frilly frock in protest: when would it get to roll rampant over the shoreline, then sweep back out towards the horizon, carrying all it kissed in its wake? Why…

Saying Goodbye (So I can finally stop running)

23 is a pretty young age to know you’ve got maybe 2 years left to live. Sure, others face death much earlier, but still. When you’re 23 and facing a death sentence, it can be a pretty tough pill to swallow. But swallowing pills wasn’t really on the cards- pills seemed way too complicated and…

When your blog falls into the wrong hands

In my last post, dated an embarrassing 5 months ago, I declared myself NATZ, THE AMAZING FAT FIGHTER. True story. Then I disappeared. What happened? You know like when you’re singing in the shower, and you’re going full ChakaKhan-Mariah-Aretha-LaBelle-Aguilera-Bey? Then somebody walks in for like some tissue or to check if you are in fact…

NATZ! THE AMAZING FAT-FIGHTER!

Oh My Gosh Natz! I don’t know how you do it! I sit there and soak in all the praise, because really…I’m doing some amazing things right now. I’m teaching full time on a super full roster of girls who are doing major exams this year (2 groups facing CSEC, three groups facing CAPE- and…

Happy D-Day! ( ‘D’ means Diabetes)

Not everyone reads my blog. As a matter of fact only about ten people in the world do, and I don’t even think my mom is one of those. I hope my husband is. So it’s a very strange thing to realise that although there is a (really, very) tiny corner of the internet where…

Mental Rental (and why it must stop)

When your ex’s friend sees you in the supermarket, looks you up and down with the slow burning judgment of the truly malicious and then snarks that ‘from the looks of it’ my ex (who would have NEVER supported this, btw) was better off with the heartbreak than the ‘crushing disappointment’ of what I’ve become…

Is this thing on?

I almost feel like an apology is owed here. 6 weeks of silence. Shameful and scandalous. You cannot imagine how many posts I’ve written in my absence. Pithy, poignant, witty…man. You should have seen the blogs that got away. But really, let’s go ahead and blame that largely on my new life. I’m a call…

Blue Dress. Big Dreams.

Today I was in the supermarket using the mirrored wall above the meat products I was supposed to be buying to glare at my reflection. Ok so the angle was awkward and the wobbly edges of my reflection, which only made me more globular, were due more to the warped surface than my own actual…

We are all Sexy Beasts.

Today when I woke up, even I knew that my leg hair had gone about 40,000 steps too far. They prickled at me when I rubbed a tentative hand down my legs and that was particularly upsetting as I was wearing pants. I have been silent for the past few (20 days) trying to seriously…

Goin’ Green (and grumpy)

So ten days after publishing my last blog in my June Blog A Day challenge and I find myself sitting here, listless and sighing heavily, with a hint of melancholy in the aftertaste. Why am I so blue? Do I miss the challenge of digging deep and letting the world into my world on a…